So deftly you have captured how the little, partial information we are told as children (to protect us, perhaps) can often become a strangely violent gateway into some of our biggest lifelong epiphanies.
I still remember the moment I became aware of my own parents' mortality -- sitting in their living room, clutching my crying toddler -- all of us were merely down with viral fever, but for those few seconds it felt as if all of them (my child included) were going to die some day and I would have to continue living - without them - forever. It's funny how becoming aware of loved one's mortality makes you temporarily forget your own.
Oh Swaati..so true. I recently interrupted “my parents can drop dead any time” thoughts with “i can also drop dead any time” and it strangely soothed me… because then mortality became a fact.. Thank you for your reading and response, which completes the essay in my mind.
Raju, the image of the closed fist on hearing the news and now opening the palms through writing is something I could resonate with completely! There was great power in the single sentences, each telling a tale as the essay progressed. Thank you for this piece!
Thank you Mona, you have no idea how much this means to me. Your essays and experiences come to my mind and I’m filled with gratitude. Thank you also for sharing how the sentences work. That encourages me. ♥️🌼
I have never been able to wrap my head around mortality. I understand the truth that it is, but the concept of being around for some time, then not as others wrap their heads around it and then they are not there too is just too strange.
I loved hearing the essay in your voice too , Raju . Such calm you bring to the literal storm that is raging outside and in your essay.
Thank you for saying that, Sanket. It is mighty strange and wrapping our heads is just hard. But maybe somewhere we have wrapped our head around it…which is why we can enjoy poetry…each other’s stories, baby sounds… Eternal can be boring perhaps.. What is temporary is so special… Just thinking out loud. Thank you for listening to my voice and telling me how it sounds..I had NO idea. ♥️🫶🏼
I listened to this as I came to visit a cat I'm fostering these days. I was lying down on the couch as the cat's purring soothed my anxious nerves. I'd love to receive more micro essays from you, Raju Tai. This particular ones made me think of my kids, of Peeyu and also, the number of times our hearts are attacked but don't give up on us.
That last line, Sanobar! That’s adding a whole new dimension to my understanding of this experience. Heart being attacked. Wow, thanks for listening the way only you can. 💙
Oh Raju! This is crazy. The first time when it happens and you realise the immortality of parents that never ever crosses ones mind before that. Thank you for writing this. 🫂
That line about “ the indigestible dread of having two mortal beings as my parents” is so powerful. Not only are you learning to open your palms, you are teaching all of us to open our palms too. ❤️
The 13-year you must have borne strange vicarious trauma at the time this happened. Piyu & her family’s pain is beyond imagination.
No one should have to know what it means to bear the cross of HEART & ATTACK & For-No-Reason - as intimately & shatteringly as I do. Life is not life anymore. And yet here I am - resilient & meaning-inspired & deeply loving in a way the world admires, but I can’t even touch or feel.
Neena thank you for being a guiding light on these dark pavements of life. ♥️ For years and years, this was Piyu’s story. After writing this I accepted my own story. Our stories can’t be compared one bit, and yet they are entangled. Your compassion reaches my 13 year old self.
The first time that we understand the mortality of our parents is terrifying. And then we live gripped in that terror till we have our children - then our mortality is terrifying. This grip on the heart is so real Raju. You've put it down so beautifully.
What affected my most in that first workshop was hearing one of us speak about loosing a parent. It was like someone had yanked into me and pulled out my basest fear and laid it out in front of me ...it took me months to let that leave the foreground of my anxieties....and stay in the background like it has always been....after reading this and safa's piece ....it feels less unnatural that it should affect me like this ...
I just can't relate to people who're not scared of death. The end of our lives and our consciousness along w those we love, I do not think I can ever wrap my head around it, the same way I can't about the end of the world. You captured it very well through the eyes of a child! 🍋
Thank you Krisha, I didn’t know I needed this level of honesty. I am exactly like that but I am scared to admit it. Thank you for reading, for your lemon too. ♥️
So deftly you have captured how the little, partial information we are told as children (to protect us, perhaps) can often become a strangely violent gateway into some of our biggest lifelong epiphanies.
I still remember the moment I became aware of my own parents' mortality -- sitting in their living room, clutching my crying toddler -- all of us were merely down with viral fever, but for those few seconds it felt as if all of them (my child included) were going to die some day and I would have to continue living - without them - forever. It's funny how becoming aware of loved one's mortality makes you temporarily forget your own.
Oh Swaati..so true. I recently interrupted “my parents can drop dead any time” thoughts with “i can also drop dead any time” and it strangely soothed me… because then mortality became a fact.. Thank you for your reading and response, which completes the essay in my mind.
Raju, the image of the closed fist on hearing the news and now opening the palms through writing is something I could resonate with completely! There was great power in the single sentences, each telling a tale as the essay progressed. Thank you for this piece!
Thank you Mona, you have no idea how much this means to me. Your essays and experiences come to my mind and I’m filled with gratitude. Thank you also for sharing how the sentences work. That encourages me. ♥️🌼
I have never been able to wrap my head around mortality. I understand the truth that it is, but the concept of being around for some time, then not as others wrap their heads around it and then they are not there too is just too strange.
I loved hearing the essay in your voice too , Raju . Such calm you bring to the literal storm that is raging outside and in your essay.
Thank you for saying that, Sanket. It is mighty strange and wrapping our heads is just hard. But maybe somewhere we have wrapped our head around it…which is why we can enjoy poetry…each other’s stories, baby sounds… Eternal can be boring perhaps.. What is temporary is so special… Just thinking out loud. Thank you for listening to my voice and telling me how it sounds..I had NO idea. ♥️🫶🏼
My God, Raju, I heard it in your voice and my heart cracked silently...
Thank you for listening, Natasha. 💜 And for bringing memoir into our lives. The courage to write about fears.
I listened to this as I came to visit a cat I'm fostering these days. I was lying down on the couch as the cat's purring soothed my anxious nerves. I'd love to receive more micro essays from you, Raju Tai. This particular ones made me think of my kids, of Peeyu and also, the number of times our hearts are attacked but don't give up on us.
That last line, Sanobar! That’s adding a whole new dimension to my understanding of this experience. Heart being attacked. Wow, thanks for listening the way only you can. 💙
Oh Raju! This is crazy. The first time when it happens and you realise the immortality of parents that never ever crosses ones mind before that. Thank you for writing this. 🫂
Thank you Savvy. ♥️ Reminded of some of your essays. Grateful that we are being able to exchange our stories. 🌸
That line about “ the indigestible dread of having two mortal beings as my parents” is so powerful. Not only are you learning to open your palms, you are teaching all of us to open our palms too. ❤️
Binu I am learning from you. You are opening your palm so gently. A rain drop is sure to fall and tickler you. ♥️ Love.
Eeesh Raju! Love that description. 🌧️
The 13-year you must have borne strange vicarious trauma at the time this happened. Piyu & her family’s pain is beyond imagination.
No one should have to know what it means to bear the cross of HEART & ATTACK & For-No-Reason - as intimately & shatteringly as I do. Life is not life anymore. And yet here I am - resilient & meaning-inspired & deeply loving in a way the world admires, but I can’t even touch or feel.
Neena thank you for being a guiding light on these dark pavements of life. ♥️ For years and years, this was Piyu’s story. After writing this I accepted my own story. Our stories can’t be compared one bit, and yet they are entangled. Your compassion reaches my 13 year old self.
The last two sentences. Wow. Thank you for this brief but jolting read.
Thank you Rachel ♥️ it’s when my words travel to someone like you that i find all the effort and doubt and persistence worth it. 🫰🌻
You captured all of life's heartbreak in this one line: But it was only born that day. ❤️
Thank you Alaknanda. For being in this heartbreak with me. 💜
I can relate to this as those two words also fill the father-sized hole in my life.
Oh Sharmistha, thank you so much for reading and responding. This means a lot to me. Warmth for you and for the hole. 💜
As Yan Martell famously said...I suppose in the end the whole of life is an act of letting go !
So well said by you. Loved it.
Thank you Ritu ♥️🫶🏼 for that quote and your reading
The first time that we understand the mortality of our parents is terrifying. And then we live gripped in that terror till we have our children - then our mortality is terrifying. This grip on the heart is so real Raju. You've put it down so beautifully.
Thank you for articulating it the exact way you did… Samira that helps.. ♥️♥️
What affected my most in that first workshop was hearing one of us speak about loosing a parent. It was like someone had yanked into me and pulled out my basest fear and laid it out in front of me ...it took me months to let that leave the foreground of my anxieties....and stay in the background like it has always been....after reading this and safa's piece ....it feels less unnatural that it should affect me like this ...
Yes, we are not alone, and when we write about the fear, we don't find answers but find solace in how common this is... a hug only for you 💜🫂
I just can't relate to people who're not scared of death. The end of our lives and our consciousness along w those we love, I do not think I can ever wrap my head around it, the same way I can't about the end of the world. You captured it very well through the eyes of a child! 🍋
Thank you Krisha, I didn’t know I needed this level of honesty. I am exactly like that but I am scared to admit it. Thank you for reading, for your lemon too. ♥️
Bless you
Thank you. 🌺